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| Yesterday was my birthday. 16 years old and probally nothing will change from it. I had Kayla over last night and we just hung out and listened to old records. For presents, I got the second season of The Brady Bunch, the last book in the Series Of Unfortunate Events series, and a bunch of a hermit crab stuff. Oh and two stuffed elephants!
So I have to set up my hermit crab tank and buy some hermit crabs now. Anyways, today was pretty boring. I woke up with a massive headache and sore throat. I think I caught flarengitis from Kayla. I wish I had known she had it before she came over.
Well I kind of liked this guy James, I know two James...this one is from my school, not from the group home I was in. Anyways, so he wrote me saying "Your okay looking, but not great". And seriously, I just liked this guy for his personality. He's ugly as hell...as terrible as that sounds...I mean acne really bad. But apparently he likes every girl he sees. He claims he likes me yet he still likes this other girl, Heather, who is like two feet tall, teeth longer than her face...and is really obsessed over him.
But I like this other guy Jason a lot more...he's dominican and has a really sexy accent hah. He's cute and we've been flirting for the last few days, so I'm writing him a letter to give to him saying that I like him. He's really great. I don't know, I have a good feeling about it.
I guess my english class has been switched, I really wish it hadn't been thou. I hate change. Grr. I wish people would consult me before deciding to change my classes. That's about all I have to say today...I can't think of much else to write. This entry makes me sound like a love sick dog. I'm really not. I'm just gonna go with the flow.
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| Today wasn't really that interesting, did a project due tomorrow for health class. Put together my ferret cage for the rat. Just a day of pure joy and fun.
My grandpa is going downhill right now. He's confused, forgetting things, and having hallucinations. It could be from his medication(he recently had bipass surgery). It's bothering me. I don't know. I can't deal with watching people slowly deteriorate especially when they know whats going on. I don't know.
I don't feel much like writing right now.
I'm gonna buy another male rat to be friends with Hermie...he needs another rat in his cage. I don't even feel like writing...I just said that didn't I? Great, I'm going crazy.
I want Zach back. Why thou? He's a jerk. He's a coward. He's insecure, and he's not making anything of himself so why should I care about him? Why should I care about anyone really? My birthday is on the 13th, I've went through some changes since I was 15, I've almost completely eliminated the cutting, I'm doing better in school, I'm living back with my parents. I don't know if I like all these changes. I feel kind of different...sort of dirty. I'll never wash it away. That day. That day that can't be discussed anywhere with anyone...one of those family secrets.
Like the movies, but I'm not getting paid. | | |
| Interesting but boring day. If that makes any sense. In first period this stupid freshman was drunk on(get this) rubbing alcohol. Idiot. She was obviously just doing it for attention. You don't come to school drunk unless you want attention. I can see you coming to school stoned, because then you're just laid back...not acting all crazy. And it was all over some guy that she got drunk. Complete moron, sorry but that's all I can say about that. I have no problems with drinking if you want to drink, just don't be so stupid as to go to school drunk KNOWING you are going to get caught.
Enough of that, had a test in math today. I'm positive I passed. I felt kind of out of it and tired during 7th period global. I don't know, just wasn't much in the mood to debate about stupid things that have nothing to do with what we're supposed to be studying. Seriously.
My Halloween absolutely sucked. I was supposed to be going trick-or-treating with Meg, and I got my costume on(I was being Morticia Addams), and I went to her house to pick her up and there was a note on the door saying "Dear Rachel, Sorry I had to ditch you but I have to go somewhere with my mom. So instead I went to my aunt's house and drank some coffee and went home and took a shower, washed out all the black hair dye and went to sleep. Depressing really.
Kayla has court tomorrow. She thinks she'll probably be expelled for the rest of the year. I don't know how I'll survive the school year if she gets expelled. Whatever. Friends are just nuisances. Yup. That's all they are. And so are parents. And so are all the people besides myself for the most part. I can't wait till I'm on my own and I know I'm going to receive comments about "how hard it is being on your own" etc. I don't care. I rather rough it out myself instead of feeling like I owe everything I have to someone else and being tied down to that feeling.
New layout by the way. Oh and it's funny how he doesn't know what he did...no remorse from him. So typically human. | | |
| Finially, what we all have been waiting for. At least what I've been waiting for...the weekend. As always, school was irritating me yesterday. During lunch we had a mouse in the cafeteria, so of course there was mass hysteria over about a one and a half inch mouse(litterally, people standing on the tables). So I was trying to get to him and catch him to put him outside before some moron stepped on him or something. Finially, I <i>just</i> about had him and WHAM, some fat ass chick slams her hands over him, not giving a fuck about hurting the little guy. Then she has him in her fist, raises him in the hair in triumph. Everyone was clapping and shouting and I'm just looking at her like "You're really a fucking moron aren't you? It's a mouse". And everytime she raised her arms so people would clap so she could feed her ego(she really didn't need anymore food) her fat stomach would hang out and jiggle. I probally sound extremely insensitive and cruel towards peopl who are overweight. But I would be saying the same thing or something similar if it had been a skinny girl. So then after school I smoked a cig. I want to quit my bad habits. I really do. But I don't know how else to get through every fucking day. I'm swearing in this entry more than normal. Then I went home, cleaned the barn, fed the critters and came up here to my aunts. I talked to Mark last night. What a waste of time. I keep backtracking. Why am I backtracking? I need to move forward with my life. I can't let go I guess...maybe there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know. I just need someone here. Really...just to hold me and tell me some nice lies about myself. That's what I need. Being grotesque sucks. | | |
| Stress. That's the word for today. My definition of stress is when too many people want too much out of you that you can't possibly do. Anyways, my parents had a bunch of teacher conferences today so I got called out of class like 4958945 times to meet with them and the teachers just to talk about things I already knew.
Then I got called down to the office in fifth period and Mrs.Dargush, the counselor wanted to see me. I guess that Kayla ran out of school today. They took her back into school, searched her bookbag and found a blade in there and now she's suspended, they also found notes in there to me, Jeff, and Chantal. And one to me said about bringing drugs to me in school or whatever and I almost got in trouble for it. I hate our school.
I'm really kind of annoyed with Kayla...she's pretty much forgotten me almost. I don't know if I want to hang out with her anymore. I think she's just going to bring me down. I tell her over and over that the people she hangs out with are going to bring her down and she still hangs out with them. THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT HER. I mean what does she not get about the difference between friends who care who friends who don't?
I have a cough and it's getting worse. I don't know. I can't be sick thou, it's not allowed in my house anymore. Unless I'm dying I have to go to school. Tomorrow I get to go to my aunts..I have an essay for english thou I have to work on over the weekend. I'm just going to make some bullcrap essay tomorrow throughout the day.
So my pet rat is doing good, he's sweet. I'm sick of trying to breed my two hamsters. I mean maybe Cocoa is asexual? Who knows. So I like this kid. Asked him out. Got shot down. That's alright. Who cares? I do. I'm tired of being ugly. I don't know. There is something wrong with me. Seriously. I have health class tomorrow. Yuck. Why is my health teacher fat? The world may never know. | | |
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